April 1: Beginning/ending

Keep breathing; A mere dream

 

Keep breathing

The wind played with the strings I cut loose with a scream,
and my blood was infused with the loss of an end;
the distance betwixt our brief had entanglement stung, but—
nothing was soothed as the connection was finally severed, nothing
was all I felt – but that raging emptiness was a new weight that
held no peace for me, only a strange reverence of mourning…

The final piece placed, my farewell a dying echo reached forth—
but across that great chasm, I had no doubts you would never hear;
nothing has changed truly, but the realization that I can no longer
bridge that gap – for I lack the courage to take the plunge and
tell you how I long for days long past – not in resurrection,
not in the same, exhilarating infatuation, but just as
the comfort, the solace of simple presence…

Yet, past the intoxicating veils of darkness, I still feel light
pulsing coldly, then warmly, through the vanishing haze;
my gaze may still radiate dulled pain, but
mending was birthed, a new spring to pull my lips into smiles,
and not even reverberating memory can suffuse me so fully
that I do not notice the little things, these portents of harmony…

…there a blossom pushing valiantly past the snow,
here a rippling ocean of green vibrating with living energy;
perhaps I have lost something, or many things—
but beauty is always a shifting, enigmatic lover that visits me…
the face may change, the words quelled or fountaining forth,
yet always it comes, always it soothes the aches and tells me simply:
just keep breathing…

 

April 1, 2014

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A mere dream

It began with a few words that soon died on my lips, summoning
the sights and scents of a cunning fantasy; one that plays
with the forbidden desires that reach to no one and nothing of
the palpable world, yet lives all around me, webbing inside all
that is alive with such intricacy—
my words died as they began the chant of dreams, swallowed
into the infinity of that sweet first kiss… yet, with surprise I
realized something in the traverse of what was happening to me;
as so often befalls that spark of contentment inside: the fires
burst into a bonfire, flames much, much too high to truly satisfy—

So, alone in the fog of reality spinning around me, I scoured the deep,
began a sojourn to the heart of those feelings and discover my
lost soul hidden in the niches of non-reality, but
unsure as I was of what I would find, I danced with
madness to bring vision to my seeking eyes…
…and there, I saw it: in the faerie lights
your face, my lord, is dappled with soft shadow, that sad smile so
like a whispering breeze to caress my shivering meadows, and I knew
that it is not truth my heart has brought me to, but
the bitter darkness of longing, for all
that could never be true…

Ensnared in the tender ice of command warring with affection,
you are an affliction of my imagination, yet with a simple word
a simple smile flickering on the edge of your lips—
you quell my breath in my chest and give my heart a twist;
yet I know a solution to go back, to break free, should I so wish:
all I need do is shatter this dream and bear the consequences of forever
remembering, longing for that first touch of your lips… yet,
I know too much now: you are a lord of the night skies and the cool wind,
a lord of sunsets and sunrises, when it all ends – or begins…
a sweet, lonely figure that speaks not a word to forestall my ploys,
yet foils me effortlessly with a mixture of pity and desire—
his eyes, I tell the empty sky, beg the question I so oft ask of myself:
do I truly wish to leave this wonderful realm?

The dance is simple, yet so haunting as my lord moves,
a sad figure that begs my compassion, yet thunders with rage
and power beyond imagination; you were never defenseless,
but for the delicate strings I tie – but I must not, for your pursuit
would surely end with a dire price my heart must pay: adrift, lost, swelling
in a non-reality; in love, from the void where I began to
untold passions riddling me with violent sweeps… then,
the madness begins once I see the end of tonight’s dreams,
and my days will be spent with piteous anguish to return, to be
once more held in the nonexistent embraces of my lord of the unseen…

Burning as his soft eyes are locking into my own,
I make a promise to doom my soul: to return and be one
with my lord of ecstasies; with the understanding
that I must take my leave now, return to reality; return to suffering
the monotone of what seemed so lively mere hours before…
like the touch of the fae in my blood, I am tainted henceforth; I find
myself dazzled, wondering at the beginning of this thrill, this defeat:
it all began with a tug that took me spiraling into something so simple:
into a mere dream…

 

April 1, 2014

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